On Opinions …

“The important thing is to realize that no matter what people’s opinions may be, they’re only just that – people’s  opinions. You have to believe in your heart what you know to be true about yourself. And let that be that.”

                                                                                             ~ Mary J. Blige

I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now. This seems to be the story of my life lately and I don’t like it. I’m still incredulously processing a recent conversation I had. I’m trying to stay open minded and simply absorb the opinion of me that was just expressed. I don’t want to disregard what was said, rather understand where it came from and decide whether or not it has merit. The truth of the matter is that I feel hurt, judged, and misunderstood, but I value the viewpoint of this friend and don’t want to disregard their opinion.

After many false starts, I’m finally beginning to effectively carve out the life for myself that I’ve always dreamed. I’m doing so with a quiet, yet steady, motion forward toward greatness. I’ve always known that I have lofty, somewhat complicated goals that will not come to fruition overnight or without much effort. Their realization requires a vision, dedication, and a steadfast resolve to doing all the work that is required along the way. This is what I’ve diligently focused on for the last year and to be questioned about my desire for success felt like a slap in my face.

We all have a process … a method that works for us when focused on achieving our goals or attaining success. Some folks are on high octane, enthusiasm seeping from their pores while they talk about what they’re going to accomplish. With others, you’d never know what was up their sleeve and it seems as if all of a sudden, they’re making big moves. I’m a different breed altogether. With me, I’m a slow-and-steady-wins-the-race type of gal. I don’t talk much about what I’ve done, what I’m doing or what I’m going to do. I don’t usually get outwardly excited when something good happens to or for me because I’m aware that success is gradual and that great things are supposed to happen when you’re on your grind. I tend to under emphasize my accomplishments along the way because of the high expectations I have for myself and people confuse my silence and lack of emotion for contentment.

In this moment I’m questioning my personal resolve. I’m also questioning what I know about myself, my work ethic, and my process. I’m not one who allows people to get inside my head, but this time those words penetrated my brain and have been ringing in my head ever since. You see, sometimes people see in us what we don’t see in ourselves and what they see isn’t always positive … and it’s not always wrong. We all must challenge our beliefs about ourselves, make an objective analysis, and strive to do whatever it takes become a better version of ourselves every day. Without continuous growth you become stagnant in all areas of life. I’m not a closed minded person or someone who believes that I know it all. I surround myself with those I can learn from because I cannot allow myself to become complacent. If you’re in my inner circle that means I respect you and will consider your opinion of me no matter how much I disagree with it. The truth is more powerful than a lie. If a person can’t voice their truth of me even if it isn’t necessarily a positive one, then there’s no need for them to be in my life. However, if I feel my character is being questioned or challenged, that’s a whole other ball of wax. I believe that’s what I’m feeling now.

The opinion that has me in a tailspin is that while I’m a beautiful person, I just don’t have the fire in my belly to become great. You have to be kidding me, right? I take great offense to this statement and believe that my vast resume of accomplishments can attest to my desire for greatness. I don’t believe I have to adhere to any one person’s guidelines or fit into their mold to prove that I want great success in my life. We all have our own way of achieving and while many may not understand our way that doesn’t mean it’s ineffective or wrong.

No, I don’t stress over when I’m going to reach my goals or boast over the successes I’ve already had. I don’t busy myself with inconsequential tasks that aren’t moving me closer to my goals. Yes, I take the time for self-care, for introspection and relaxation. I believe that while you’re on the path to greatness you must enjoy the small things, learn to live in the moment and remain firmly planted in reality. I’m trying to build a fully rounded life filled with gratitude, laughter, love, and endless possibilities. Making money isn’t my endgame; building a solid legacy is. The amount of money we have doesn’t represent the amount of success we’ve had. We sometimes focus all of our energy on what having success will bring to our lives financially that we forget what it is we want to add to the world once we become successful. I don’t want to get so caught up in the trappings of success that I forget who I am or what footprint I want to leave behind.

I’ve had time to process all of my feelings with regard to this opinion of me. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some things that I could do better, after all no one is perfect. I recognize that my way is not the only way. I’m a highly emotional creature and my moods often reflect my progress – or lack thereof – on any given day. I’m not rigid in the way I go about my daily life and tend to cast a wide net of tasks to be completed and tick off that list during the course of a few days until they all have been addressed. I’m not aggressive in my approach and I try not to overschedule. I am quite laid back and people often misconstrue that as a lack of zeal and that is so far from the truth. The truth is that my mind is constantly racing trying to figure out what my next move should be, what my next project is going to be and what I can do to get to the next level. While someone who doesn’t truly know me may formulate the opinion that I am not doing enough, those who know my history know that my foot is always on the gas and I won’t ease up until I attain what I set out to do.

I’m not going to lie; I’ve been harboring anger since hearing this opinion. I didn’t appreciate being judged and made to feel like an underachiever. I still feel a way, but I’ve taken my ego out of it and have decided to use this information as a learning tool. I’ve decided to allow myself to grow instead of choosing to sit in the negativity and hostility it made me feel. I’ve reassessed my method and you know what? I realize that one of the reasons I was so bothered by this comment is because I believe it to be partially true. When you have insight into yourself you can recognize the truth when you hear it. When someone exposes a weakness your ears perk up, you get caught up in your feelings and immediately reject their assessment as garbage. That’s what happened with me.

Through working on myself daily to recognize flaws in my character so that I will continually evolve and grow, I understand how this misperception could have been garnered. I’ve concluded that changes need to be made to my process so that I am attacking my goals more aggressively while focusing more on my productivity and giving into my emotions less.

My friend wasn’t entirely wrong, causing me to get real with myself. Maybe my fire doesn’t burn as hot as theirs do or for the same reasons, but that doesn’t mean my fire isn’t raging as well. They need to open themselves up to the various possibilities that exist and become more accepting of other methods and personalities. Whether I agree with the way they do things or not, I respect their choices and never stand in judgement. I wish they had done the same.

I’m going to continue to eat the elephant one bite at a time. I’m also going to institute the necessary changes required to perform at an optimal level. I’m not sure what my friendship will look like after this, but I can’t focus on that. I’m focused on making my future what I envision it to be regardless of the naysayers. This person has been nothing but a positive influence in my world and I’m almost certain they didn’t mean me any harm. This situation did expose the fact that I don’t want to be in any type of relationship where I feel judged or less than I know myself to be. It’s too hurtful at this stage in my life. I need those around me who understand me, not judge my character.

The character of a person isn’t defined by their success. The character of a person is defined by how they overcome adversity on their way to obtaining personal success. I intend to stay true to my character, continue to live my truth, follow my dreams, and attain my goals regardless of who believes in me or my process. As a result of this interaction, I’m more aware of my strengths and weaknesses, as well as what I will and will not allow in my life. I feel good about myself and will continue to fan the flames within me as I climb my way up to that mountaintop.