“If there’s a question of my heart, you got it. It don’t belong to anyone but you.”
~ Wale
I am certain that I’m falling in love with an extraordinary man who I am not in a romantic relationship with. We met under the guise of possibly dating and our relationship naturally evolved into a truly deep and meaningful friendship. I have always had a plethora of male friends, but I have never developed an emotional connection or desire for them like I feel for him. My heart is conflicted due to the growing love that I feel for him in conjunction with an absolute need for the unconditional friendship we have fostered. Both make me feel alive in a way I have not quite felt before, but I am finding it more and more difficult to navigate between these sparring sensations.
This is the thing … I do not ever want to do anything to compromise our friendship, including attempting to transform it into a romance. In a very short period of time he has been transparent enough to show me exactly who he is … and I am beyond impressed. He has shared what he does and does not want for himself, as well as what he is and is not capable of offering a woman at this phase of his life. I totally understand his stance. His brutal honesty, slight mean streak, utter kindness, belief in family values, and tender compassion has made me respect and admire him immensely. He is real and has earned my trust in a way that no other man has. A man’s word being his bond resonates differently with him and it is a standard in his life. That is what I look most for in a man and finally experiencing it is so foreign that it shocks my system in many ways.
We are two peas in a pod. From the very moment we met, our energy connected on a higher level and there has always been a remarkably easy flow between us. We are both complicated and moody at times, but we just seem to get each other and vibe on any and every level. I don’t know if it’s because we were born two days apart and are astrologically similar (if you believe in those things). I don’t know if it’s because we have both experienced various degrees of deep hurt, trauma and pain in our past that may have damaged us in similar ways; and those disappointments connect us at a soul level. I don’t know if it’s the inner drive we both have to make our lives everything they can be. Whatever it is, we are eerily similar, have a great rapport, palpable chemistry and we laugh until our sides hurt when we are together.
So, I bet you are wondering why there is no romance between us if we are so equally yoked aren’t you? It’s simple, really. Everything that seems like it should be shouldn’t always be. Timing is everything and quite frankly, now does not seem to be our time. Hell, our time may never come and as surprising as it is to me, I can accept that as long as our friendship remains as strong as it is now. It’s our friendship that is my joy and priority. I have evolved into a thinking being, not just a highly emotional being. I have learned the hard way that I cannot always have what it is that I want when I want it (Yes, I’ve always been very spoiled). My desire for Instant gratification has been quite self-serving and I am just recognizing this. I now understand that it is not always about me, rather a mutual meeting of the minds that leads to an acceptable compromise that makes all relationships successful.
I have much love in my heart, and I want only the best for him. We want the best for each other. That is part of the beauty of our bond. Most of all, I feel great about where my head and heart is. My mind is clear, my heart is full of an unconditional emotion that has changed my perspective on what love can be, and I am firmly planted in reality.
As humans, we seem to constantly be in search of the “dream” when it comes to relationships. We sometimes have outrageous preconceived notions about what that dream is going to look like and often overlook the dream that is right in front of us, just in a different form. I believe that this is one of our greatest downfalls.
It’s important to remember that we are all entitled to our feelings, but we must realize that they sometimes go unrequited. Love isn’t always two sided. Love isn’t just romantic. Love does not always include all of the material trappings we see in the media. Love is a state of the heart and mind that manifests themselves in a multitude of complicated ways. I have found that a true friendship with the opposite sex which is based on honesty, transparency, loyalty, humor, and open communication usurps a dysfunctional love relationship any day. It is unfortunate that the much of society would prefer to navigate the dysfunction just to be in a relationship than to reside in a healthy, loving friendship.
My friend has become more important to me than I could ever have imagined. I cannot imagine my life without him as a part of it. My love for him will never wane no matter who he dates, marries, or builds a forever life with. None of that will change my feelings. It just doesn’t matter. Of course, I will always wish somewhere deep inside of me that he would have chosen me, but I know I will be chosen by the man I was born to love and live an outrageously happy life. In the meantime, I will continue to be the best friend that I can be to him. He deserves a great woman who adores him, and I offer him that through my unwavering friendship. I do not need him to love me. I need him to like me and remain the light that he is in my life as the friend that was sent to me to help change my world. He is absolutely amazing, and I am grateful to have him in my life on any level.